Even Now
by Red Warrior
Summary: He would call her "soldier" and she would call him "commander". But once they were outside, he was her father and she was his daughter.


**Diclaimer : Two days? How did I manage to do that? Maybe it's not so great... however I don't own them, only Shiram is mine. **

**For those of you reviewers who would like to read about a pairing in particular, just let me know **

**Even Now**

Even now as she stood before his grave, she was reminded of the way his usual hard glare would soften the tiniest bit whenever she came back from a mission to report it to him. That was why she was so eager to take up missions: so she could catch the faintest glint of pride in his purple eyes when she came back.

He would call her "soldier" and she would call him "commander". They would exchange information in a formal tone of voice; she would give details on the mission, on the casualties, her back straight and her eyes unwavering. He would nod, scribble some notes, sometimes he would even congratulate her with that same seriousness. When Captain Haar had to report as well, they would both speak, even though he was the captain and she was merely a soldier.

Haar was standing tall during those reports. He wasn't slouching as he usually was when he gave orders from atop his wyvern. He wasn't yawning every five minutes and his tone wasn't bored. He even sounded serious.

But once they were outside, away from others' eyes, everything changed. He was her father and she was his daughter. He would pat her back and smile at her proudly, asking how the mission went. Not the formal information, that time he was wondering about her well-being. Although the question was the same, the answer was always different. She slept well, ate well, yes Ulrik had been a good wyvern, no the young trainees hadn't been a problem. Whenever she complained that Haar nagged her into staying behind sometimes, her father would only smile. Smile and tell her Haar was a good man.

A good man? How could someone who didn't want her to fight could be a good man? Jill didn't understand right then. Now she did.

* * *

"_This isn't going to be a piece of cake!" Ike yelled for his troops to hear. "We have to get to those floodgates before they open them completely! Don't waste any time that could be precious!" _

_Jill nodded furiously and took off on her wyvern, Ulrik. She brought her mount to a stop once she was high enough to scan the entire battlefield. A few houses had been built along a path that led up the hill. __On top of the hill there was some sort of small castle, which probably led to the floodgates they had to close. _

_The red-haired rider still couldn't believe Daein soldiers could drown a whole village just to slow the mercenaries down. __And if she remembered well, this area was under her father's responsibility; he would have some questions to answer to when she got her clutches on him. _

_She quickly divided the enemies they would have to face into three categories: wyvern riders, knights, and a few sages. There was a bishop as well, but he would be no problem. __The simplest way to reach the floodgates would be to rush along the path and knock over the hill whoever got in the way. While she thought, she noticed Ike had already sent Soren, Tormod and Ilyana armed with Elwind tomes to take care of the wyvern riders along with Shinon and Rolf. Oscar and Titania were nudging their horse on the path, closely followed by Gatrie and Muarim. Ike was bringing up the rear with Rhys, who was clutching his Physic staff in one hand and a Nosferatu tome in the other. _

_She broke from her train of thoughts when her name was called. "Jill!" Ike shouted. "I want you to fly over the battlefield and take out the sages! Be careful, one has got Blizza__rd, in front of the last house! Let's meet at the top!"_

"_Understood, General!" __Jill yelled back, nudging Ulrik forwards. The wyvern gave off a happy roar and began to fly freely into the scenery. Jill had to turn right to avoid being hit by a screeching red wyvern who plummeted down towards the ground, having being pelted to death by Shinon's arrows and taking its rider down with it. Jill didn't waste any time trying to remember if she knew the man, she probably did. She didn't want to think right now. _

_Ulrik __landed on a roof and Jill raised her javelin. The sage was dead long before he managed to finish his spell. The Blizzard tome fell from his hands to the ground, now completely useless, and the sage soon followed. His dark red coat hid the blood pouring out of his body, but the javelin sticking out from between his shoulder blades gave away his condition. Jill took advantage of her position and made quick work of a second sage, who was too busy casting Bolganone on Oscar to notice._

"_Thanks!" the green-haired paladin said when she landed on the ground next to him. "I really thought I was fried." _

"_Now that's what I call a bad joke," Jill grinned. "How are things?" _

"_Could be much worse. I think the guys are done with the wyvern riders, and you just got rid of the last sage. There are still two knights down there, but Muarim and Titania have got everything under control."_

"_Where is Ike?" Jill asked, readying another javelin. _

"_He went to the castle. Maybe he needs help with the floodgates." Oscar turned his horse around. "I'm going to help the others if other enemies arrive. Go help him." When Jill nodded, the paladin nudged his horse and it ran down the path. _

_Jill made Ulrik turn around and fly over to the castle. However as she flew past the last house, the sight that greeted her was not one she would forget anytime soon. _

_Ike had taken a fighting pose, his Silver Sword brandished in front of him. His opponent was a wyvern lord clad in black armor, and whose purple wyvern was so big it entirely blocked the entrance of the castle. If Ike wanted to get in, he'd have to get rid of it. _

_At first Jill thought it was just another Daein soldier meant to block their path. Well, actually, that was what she wished it was. But there was no mistaking the fiery red hair, red goatee, and the hard glare. Thorgal, Shiharam's faithful wyvern, had gotten a little older since the last time she had seen him, and she could see determination in his onyx eyes. As if… as if somehow the wyvern knew he wouldn't survive. _

"_Let me through," Ike ordered firmly, and from his tone Jill figured that wasn't the first time he was saying it. _

_Shiharam shook his head, determined albeit a little sad. "I have orders," he answered. __"Nobody is to close the floodgates." _

Oh, Father… You always stick to what you're ordered to do, and you would never disobey a direct order, even if it meant your death, _Jill thought bitterly. And he hadn't even noticed she was standing here. _

"_If you don't let me through, then I'll carve a path right through you," Ike __growled. _

_Shiharam held his Tomahawk up and frowned. "Is that a threat? I'll have you know that I'm not afraid, young pup. And even if I were, you would never get near those floodgates as long as I'm alive." _

"_Your funeral then!" _

_Ike charged with all his might, Silver Sword first. Shiharam threw his Tomahawk, but Ike avoided the flying axe by an inch. __The wyvern lord was now helpless as the young general was ten feet away, his weapon raised high and ready to strike down. Jill fought the urge to close her eyes as well as the urge to scream, and the urge to run over to them and stop the fight. She didn't want her father to die, but she also knew he was her enemy now. _

_Ike brought his sword down. She thought it was the end of it, but suddenly Thorgal roared and stood on his hind legs, gripping both sides of the entrance of the castle with his front claws for support. Jill gasped; Shiharam probably hadn't meant for it to happen because he grasped his saddle and one of Thorgal's wings to avoid being thrown off. Ike was surprised as well, but he couldn't stop his blow now. _

_The sword cut cleanly through the tender flesh of Thorgal's belly. __The wyvern gave a loud roar of pain and when Ike took his sword back it was drenched in bright red blood from the tip to the hilt. The same blood was pouring out of the large wound and onto the frozen ground; Thorgal staggered and eventually fell onto his side, dying. _

_Ike just stood there, blinking and bewildered. __Jill was flabbergasted: she knew a wyvern could be very faithful, but she had never heard it could die for its rider! And there Thorgal had willingly acted as a shield to protect Shiharam, ending his life in the process. _

"_Thorgal!" Shiharam called, kneeling by the wyvern's head. "__Why did you do this, you idiot!" He took the heavy head and shook it a little until the yellow eyes opened halfway. "How am I supposed to carry out the orders without you? No, Thorgal, don't leave!" But his words were useless as the wyvern gave a soft growl, and he felt his warm breath on his forearm. His last breath. _

_Shiharam stayed hunched over the dead wyvern a few minutes. __Ike allowed him to grieve in silence, and Jill stifled her sobs. Silent tears gathered in her eyes and her hands were gripping the reigns, but she forced herself to watch. _

_Shiharam caught Ike off guard when he stood up and walked over to his saddle. He sat on it and tightly bound his feet to the deceased wyvern. __"What are you doing?" the blue-haired mercenary asked. _

_The commander threw his Tomahawk at Ike's feet and relaxed on the saddle. He looked like he was about to leave with his wyvern for a pleasant flight on a bright summer day. __"I can't fight without Thorgal," he said calmly. "So I'll spare you some time and allow you to kill me right now." _

_Jill's eyes widened and she was too shocked to react. Her father would never surrender like that!_

_Ike too would have none of it. "I'm not going to kill you__," he said, lowering his blood drenched sword. "You can go back to wherever you guys hide, I just want to close the floodgates. Killing you isn't necessary."_

"_Kill me now," Shiharam repeated. __"I can't go back and say I have failed. My honor won't allow that. I am tired of this war, it only brought terrible things." The commander's hand was patting his wyvern's neck. "Because of it, I lost my whole family, and now my most faithful friend. If I go back, General Petrine will have me killed anyway for failure, and I'd rather die by the blade of a good fighter than by that of a mere soldier while I'm being held up." Shiharam raised his head and his red gaze met Ike's blue one. "I'm sure you can understand that." _

_Ike nodded and walked to the fallen wyvern lord. __The tears were now running freely down Jill's cheeks and she gripped her saddle. Why? Why did it have to be like that? She was about to close her eyes when something stuck a cord in her. _I lost my whole family? _It was true she ran away and she had never warned him. He probably believed she was dead… But she was not! _

"_Wait!" The scream was out before she could control it. __She fumbled with her reigns and her stirrups and eventually got off her wyvern. Ulrik threw her a quizzical look but she paid him no heed. She ran through the bushes, her vision blurred by the tears, and she didn't care if anyone saw her in that state. What mattered the most was her father. _

_When __she arrived, however, it was too late. From where she was she could see her father's back, with a tip of a sword sticking out from the armor. He was slouched against Ike, not moving. _

"_Father!" Jill couldn't help him, she ran to him. __Ike took a few steps back and before Shiharam could fall back Jill caught him. "Father! I'm here! It's me, Jill, you haven't lost me!" _

"_Jill?" the dying commander whispered. "So you're alive…" _

"_Yes, Father," she sobbed. "You don't have to go back, you can retire, you can come with us, you can…"_

"_Too… late…" At this Jill sobbed harder. __Given the amount of blood seeping from the wound on his chest, he was probably right. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stroked his hair, burrowing her face in his shoulder. She rocked back and forth on her heels, trying to force her mind to accept it wasn't true, but the warmth of his blood seeping through her own clothing told otherwise. "Jill…" _

"_What?" she sniffed, not caring if he thought less of her because of it. _

"_I… sent Haar… he'll come back… he's a good man, Jill… he'll come back…"_

"_I know, Father__. I know, please don't leave…" the girl pleaded. _

"_Jill… my little… Jill…" _

_Shiharam's eyes closed, never to open again. _

* * *

She had been heartbroken, Jill remembered as she idly stroked the wyvern pattern carved on the grave. She had never imagined she would witness her father's death so early in her life. A small part of her mind reminded her that it had to be done, but it went unheard most of the time.

Ike had apologized, of course, but she couldn't put the blame on him. He had done what he had had to do. He wasn't a murderer, he was merely a fighter.

After that, her memories were foggy. She remembered travelling to Nevassa but not finding the Mad King Ashnard there. She remembered Ike talking about a dragon, then they had imprisoned Nasir, she had yet to know why. She heard someone say something about Ashnard being in Melior, then they had set off to Crimea. Well, she thought so until they reached a temple.

Not that she would know anything. She had sat the next two battles out. The only two people who knew of her father's death were Ike and Mist. Officially, Ike told everyone she hadn't taken part in the battles because they took place inside, and it was a pain for a wyvern rider to fight inside. It was partly true, of course, but as much as it was a pain Jill could deal with it.

Her father's death, however, was something she couldn't stomach. He was always invincible in her eyes, so his death had been like a huge whack on the head. She had suddenly realized that nobody was immune to death. And why had he mentioned Haar? What about Haar? For the first time since she ran away she had thought about her captain.

It was one day later that Ike walked in her tent. She had been sharpening her lance when the young man had pushed the tent flap over and walked in. He had announced that their next battle would take place the following day, and asked if she felt like taking part in it. He had added that it would take place on a bridge, out in the open.

Indeed she had been in need of something to distract her mind, so she had agreed. It was fortunate that she had done so.

* * *

_The Great Bridge. __What a name. It wasn't that long, it was just very high. It should have been called the High Bridge. _

"_This bridge isn't very large," Ike explained. "I want all units on foot and horse with me. Jill, Marcia, you stay behind with the bird laguz until we get rid of that ballista."_

_Jill watched her comrades proceed onto the bridge from atop Ulrik. She knew that on the other side of the bridge was General Petrine, the one her father had had to answer to. _

_After a few minutes of waiting, her comrades still had to take out the archer who handed the ballista. Jill was growing impatient, and so was her wyvern: Ulrik was beating the ground with his front legs and flapping his wings. _

"_Just a little bit more, Ulrik," she told him as she patted his neck. "It shouldn't take much time now."_

_The wyvern growled, annoyed, but before Jill could soothe him she heard the telltale noise of flapping wings behind her. At first she thought Marcia's pegasus had taken off, but the noise wasn't soft like wind against feathers. It was harsh, like wind against leather. _

_Four wyvern lords landed a few feet behind her, in the trees. __She saw one of them dismount and take his wyvern by the reigns to lead it through the vegetation. Jill growled; they wanted to play with her nerves? All right. _

"_Marcia! There are some behind us!" she informed her comrade as she turned around. She was about to add "Grab some javelin!" but her words got stuck in her throat as the rider who had dismounted came into sight. _

_Jill would recognize the eyepatch and sleepy look anywhere on Tellius. __She stayed speechless as her former captain walked out of the bushes, black armor glinting under the sun, hand firmly closed around the reigns of his grey and black wyvern, Ragnarok. As usual, his dirty brown hair was combed back, and he looked angry. Or at least, less sleepy. _

_When he caught sight of her, Haar drew out his __Short Axe. "Stand back, whoever you are!" he warned. _

"_Captain Haar?" Jill risked. _

_Immediately he relaxed and lowered his weapon. "Jill?" he asked, his only eye blinking. For a moment she swore she caught the corner of his mouth tugging up into some sort of smile, but as soon as it was there it was gone. "What are you doing here, Jill? We're in the middle of a battle!" _

"_I'm aware of that. I fight for Crimea," she added__ quietly. _

"_That's unfortunate. I have orders and-"_

_He was caught off guard when she dismounted and ran at him to hug him. His eye widened in surprise and his mouth stayed open, though wordlessly now. Haar got past his surprise quickly and caught the reigns that had slipped from his grasp. With his free hand he patted Jill's back, not really knowing what to do, yet still feeling he had to do something. _

"_Please," he heard her say. "Please don't fight. Don't die." _

_Haar sighed. "Sorry, Jill. As I've said, I have clear orders and I can't-"_

"_He said that too," the girl said through gritted teeth, gripping his back plate with both her hands. "And he died. Please don't die like him. Don't leave me alone." _

_A freezing hand squeezed Haar's heart in a vice-like grip as he pondered the meaning of her words. "Commander Shiharam… passed away?" __he asked softly, dread pooling in his stomach. _

_Jill gave the smallest nod, but it was enough for Haar to understand it meant yes. __Now he understood why the red-haired young woman acted so strange. He himself felt quite shaken by that news; more than Shiharam's death itself, it reminded him of a promise he had made. If something were to happen to the commander, his duty was to protect Jill until his dying breath. He had made that promise to nobody other than himself, but he would respect it nonetheless. _

_Haar let go of the reigns to wrap his other arm around Jill's smaller frame. He wasn't surprised she wasn't crying; knowing her, she had probably cried her heart out the first few hours following Shiharam's death and then just grieved in silence. _

_As he stood there comforting her and wondering what he was going to do, he could hear the other __three wyvern lords General Petrine had wanted him to take with him talking amongst themselves. "What's he doing?" one asked. _

"_Is she with us or something?" the second one inquired. _

"_No, I saw her arrive with our enemies," the last one growled. "What the hell is he doing?" _

"_Maybe we should go back to the general…"_

"_Let's kill the girl first, then we'll see what happens!" _

_Haar's pupil narrowed upon hearing those words. That was it, his decision was made. __A thousand thoughts ran through his head at once; Commander Shiharam, a summer day in Daein, this war, Jill, death, napping under an oak tree, blood, baby Ragnarok's first flight. He dove head first into the unknown pit of the future with his next move, which was going to change his whole life. _

_Haar whirled around and threw his Short Axe at the nearest wyvern lord. The man screamed when the razor sharp blade cleanly cut through the flesh of his throat. __He fell over, dead before he even hit the ground. His two colleagues gasped and the rider-less wyvern began whimpering in fright. _

"_Told yah he was a traitor!" the green-haired wyvern lord shouted, readying his Silver Lance. _

"_Punishment for treason is death, you fool!" the other man hissed, raising his __javelin. _

_Haar grinned. "Whose death?" he asked, jumping onto Ragnarok's back and drawing out his Brave Axe. Jill took his lead and mounted Ulrik, her Killer Axe at the ready. _

_The first wyvern lord charged at Haar, who easily dodged the blow that was meant to rid his shoulders of that annoying weight that was his head. The black armored man hit his enemy twice with his axe, and Jill's javelin made quick work of his life. _

_The last wyvern lord, frightened by his two companions' deaths, nudged his mount to take off. __"Oh no, you don't!" Haar growled as the wyvern hopped over the edge of the bridge. He grabbed his Short Axe from the corpse's throat and hurled it at the deserter. The weapon chopped off one wing of the wyvern, and the beast roared in pain before plummeting down to the river below, his remaining wing flailing helplessly, unable to support his weight. _

_Haar waited until his axe came back into his hand and he tucked it in his belt. __Then he turned to Jill and gave a sleepy grin. _

"_Guess I'm on your side from now on." _

* * *

After that, battle after battle, they had won. Their victories led them straight to Melior. Along the way, they had met Princess Elincia's three retainers: a swordmaster, a paladin and a sage. Jill didn't really know about them at the time, she stayed mostly with Haar, Mist, and sometimes with Lethe too.

Haar had had problem gaining the mercenaries' trust. Although Ike seemed to trust him, the others doubted Haar's integrity. Makalov, a dumb pink-haired knight, was even terrified of him. Whenever Jill would ask if he was all right, Haar would shrug. "That's just the way it is, Jill, I can't change it," he would say. Then he would grin, and say he had washed Ulrik in the morning. Jill would laugh and say it was useless because the wyvern somehow always managed to get dirty during the day, and she had to wash him every evening.

Their victory at Melior had meant the end of the war. Before that, Jill had been unsure of what she wanted to do once the war was over, but after the victory, after the worldwide party they held, it had been clear to her.

For maybe the tenth time, she stroked her father's name carved in the stone below the wyvern pattern. In her eyes, there was no more grief, just respect and acceptance. Some nights, as she lay awake in her husband's arms, she would wonder what would have happened if her father had lived through the war. Whatever her mind made up, she always reminded herself it would never be, whenever her thoughts went too far.

"Jill."

The gentle voice brought her out of her reverie. The woman turned her head and smiled a little.

Haar was standing a foot behind her. His hair was shorter than in the past, but still combed back, revealing his eyepatch. It had been months since he had worn his black armor: most of the time he could be seen wearing a shirt and plain pants with boots. Other than that, he wore his uniform when he was working at his Wyvern Courier Service.

In his arms he was holding a boy with wild red hair and deep brown eyes. Their four year-old son was looking around curiously, his hands clutching Haar's black shirt. A black cat sprang between two graves of the military graveyard, and the young boy squeaked and snuggled into Haar.

The man patted his son's back. "Do you want to go home?" he asked softly.

She figured it was going to rain soon, given how dark the clouds were, and Daein storms were known for being violent and unpredictable. "I'm coming," she told him.

Haar nodded and bent to kiss her cheek. She smiled and let her son do the same; she hugged her two boys affectionately and watched as Haar carried the youngster back to his wyvern and put the boy on the saddle. Ragnarok gave a hum of annoyance when he was awakened by a delighted squeal from the little boy.

"Be gentle, Shiram," Haar chuckled, ruffling the bright red hair. "Wyverns' eardrums are sensitive, and he's had a long day, so go easy on the poor old guy."

"Yes, daddy," Shiram answered obediently. "Can I take the reigns to go home?"

"You'll have to ask your mom if she's okay with it once she comes."

_Time to say goodbye for today, _Jill thought as she looked at the grave. She couldn't keep her husband and son waiting longer. But today was a special day. Today, it had been seven years since the death of Shiharam.

Seven years. Still, even now, as she stood before her father's grave, her eyes were staring straight ahead of her and her features were serious, as if it hadn't been real and he was still alive in the end, standing alive in front of her and waiting for her report.


End file.
